For Caroline
Apr. 18th, 2012 04:38 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
annwfyn.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
writing_shadowsI have four childer.
Two were chosen for me, and I don’t even remember their faces. Jade, I think, smelled of silk and French perfume. The other smelled of rotten wood and mouldy linen. He was my ghoul, allegedly, but I used to cook and clean for him, because I couldn’t bear the stench in the house when he didn’t. He was bored and restless, blood bound to my Sire, tied to me out of hunger and no more. I Embraced him on the night I was released, and next saw him on the night Father Gabriel Montoya killed him.
Two I chose myself.
The first of those, of course, was Dre. Dre, my beloved, monstrous child. My precious, my Paint. I found him in 1947 and kept him with me for thirty years. He was my husband, in a way, as much as Ed was, and I loved him like I loved a part of myself. But in time he grew old and it wasn’t enough for him to serve me. He didn’t want to just be a part of me, to be the blood of my blood. He wanted to be…
…something else.
Why would anyone want to be a vampire? I’ve never understood that.
But he changed and then he left and I hated him for leaving. I hated Dre, and I hated how the world had become this darker place without him there to make it bright with blood.
Have you never noticed how beautiful blood is?
I think Narissa did.
Narissa was my fourth child. Actually, my third chronologically. She’s older than Jade, who is the pretty little cat burglar that Jack decided I should Sire. He is predictable, isn’t he? She’s the second I sired willingly, the first female. Dre’s little sister (and wouldn’t he hate that?)
She’s a monster of course. I never Embrace the virtuous; whilst no rabbi has ever actually laid a prohibition down on cursing a righteous man with a nature both cursed and irredeemably impure, I can’t help but feel it goes against the spirit of my faith. My people were made, so we are told, to be a light to the Nations. You don’t do that by snuffing out goodness. So I only take those I already know to be bad in some way, to have a touch of that wrongness inside them, to be impure in a way that no mikveh could ever cleanse. But I can’t quite bear to chose the ugly ones, and so, at least to my eyes, the ones I take are always beautiful.
And Narissa is beautiful.
Maybe she isn’t beautiful physically, although I have no idea. I know she’s beautiful to me; beautiful in the pain she leaves in others; beautiful in the inks I can scent beneath the skin; beautiful in bitter clove cruelty, and velvet soft honey mead. I’ve always known she was beautiful from the first moment I caught her scent and I knew almost straight away that I wanted her.
She scares me, of course. Oh, she doesn’t know it. I don’t want her to know it. You can’t show weakness to my precious Narissa or she’ll cut you with it and smile. But then, would I have chosen her if this were not the case?
I’ve not seen her for years now. Oh, that’s normal with my childer as well. I think it’s a Riley family trait. I like to think it’s because we’re smart enough to not need too much coddling from our Sires. Dre says it’s because we’ve created a cycle of shite. I don’t know what Narissa would say on the subject, although I’m sure she’ll tell me one day. I sent her away shortly after I released her. I know she’ll return one day. They always do.
What surprises me is that lately I’ve found myself hoping that day comes soon.
Two were chosen for me, and I don’t even remember their faces. Jade, I think, smelled of silk and French perfume. The other smelled of rotten wood and mouldy linen. He was my ghoul, allegedly, but I used to cook and clean for him, because I couldn’t bear the stench in the house when he didn’t. He was bored and restless, blood bound to my Sire, tied to me out of hunger and no more. I Embraced him on the night I was released, and next saw him on the night Father Gabriel Montoya killed him.
Two I chose myself.
The first of those, of course, was Dre. Dre, my beloved, monstrous child. My precious, my Paint. I found him in 1947 and kept him with me for thirty years. He was my husband, in a way, as much as Ed was, and I loved him like I loved a part of myself. But in time he grew old and it wasn’t enough for him to serve me. He didn’t want to just be a part of me, to be the blood of my blood. He wanted to be…
…something else.
Why would anyone want to be a vampire? I’ve never understood that.
But he changed and then he left and I hated him for leaving. I hated Dre, and I hated how the world had become this darker place without him there to make it bright with blood.
Have you never noticed how beautiful blood is?
I think Narissa did.
Narissa was my fourth child. Actually, my third chronologically. She’s older than Jade, who is the pretty little cat burglar that Jack decided I should Sire. He is predictable, isn’t he? She’s the second I sired willingly, the first female. Dre’s little sister (and wouldn’t he hate that?)
She’s a monster of course. I never Embrace the virtuous; whilst no rabbi has ever actually laid a prohibition down on cursing a righteous man with a nature both cursed and irredeemably impure, I can’t help but feel it goes against the spirit of my faith. My people were made, so we are told, to be a light to the Nations. You don’t do that by snuffing out goodness. So I only take those I already know to be bad in some way, to have a touch of that wrongness inside them, to be impure in a way that no mikveh could ever cleanse. But I can’t quite bear to chose the ugly ones, and so, at least to my eyes, the ones I take are always beautiful.
And Narissa is beautiful.
Maybe she isn’t beautiful physically, although I have no idea. I know she’s beautiful to me; beautiful in the pain she leaves in others; beautiful in the inks I can scent beneath the skin; beautiful in bitter clove cruelty, and velvet soft honey mead. I’ve always known she was beautiful from the first moment I caught her scent and I knew almost straight away that I wanted her.
She scares me, of course. Oh, she doesn’t know it. I don’t want her to know it. You can’t show weakness to my precious Narissa or she’ll cut you with it and smile. But then, would I have chosen her if this were not the case?
I’ve not seen her for years now. Oh, that’s normal with my childer as well. I think it’s a Riley family trait. I like to think it’s because we’re smart enough to not need too much coddling from our Sires. Dre says it’s because we’ve created a cycle of shite. I don’t know what Narissa would say on the subject, although I’m sure she’ll tell me one day. I sent her away shortly after I released her. I know she’ll return one day. They always do.
What surprises me is that lately I’ve found myself hoping that day comes soon.
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Date: 2012-04-18 05:01 pm (UTC)You now have my thinking about OT prohibitions - nearest I can think of for now is the business about not allowing a witch to live, which IIRC is better translated as poisoner rather than witch, and makes far more sense when you consider the damage that a poisoner can do when a community is reliant on wells - certainly provides a big frowny face on those who would taint a source of something pure....