[Lost/Requiem] Letters that will never be read - Nemoa, Scarlett & Darcy

[http://users.livejournal.com/_crimsonearth/]

So, a few of my characters are going through big changes right now, or need to - and this seemed appropriate.

~~~

Dear Lily,

(Markus,)

Beloved,

I have watched you, from a distance, grow and flourish into the beautiful, talented girl I always knew you would become. Through all my time in Arcadia, the thought of you was what kept me going; the knowledge of what I had left behind, the future I had squandered the night that I wandered away from your bedside, and the years by your side that I had lost that I could never take back.

(You have been the closest friend I have had in some fifty years upon this earth. I joined the movement looking for a place to fit, a purpose to serve, a family. I never had a brother. But you have become one, to me, these past months, and for that I owe you more than I can give.)

I never thought I would find someone like you to share my life with. I was always a dark-hearted girl, quick to throw away my life when I should have fought hardest to hold on to it. I have loved before, and left, but never been so grateful for anyone I have known, than I am for you.

I think I thought that this time, when I followed your footsteps to another county, I could perhaps begin to repair the damage that I had done. I think I thought that, piece by piece, I could find my way back into your life, and one day tell you that I had lived. That the mother you lost had not forgotten you. That I had wept with you, laughed with you, and bled for you, only a breath away from where you were, every step of the way as you walked out into the world and became a woman.

(I thought that settling someplace at long last might give me some sense of peace, a rest from a lifetime of wandering from one conflict to another, watching the world discover and destroy itself little by little. I think I foolishly thought that my wanderlust had always been a choice, rather than a necessity. But, I have to tell you, brother: I can’t stay here.)

I thought you an experience, when we first met. A challenge. And then you went and changed my world. You pulled me apart and you opened wounds that I had always taken for granted would define me in unchangeable ways. And you patched me up. Made me new. I never felt as beautiful, or as worthwhile, as I did in your arms.

But I realise now that I am not ready. Not yet. I have worn a mask and spoken to you face to face, cradled you in your tears and felt myself dying inside as I witnessed your heart break first hand. I thought I was helping. I see now that it is my presence that has brought so much of this into your life. My first and most heartfelt wish for you was that you would never be tangled up into the world I now live in; but the thorns that tore my life apart are now scraping at yours, and I can’t, I won’t be the reason you get hurt again.

(I’ve always been a restless spirit, preferring to carry my life about with me, never wanting to be tied down to a place, or a time, or a person. Try as I might, I’m not ready to give that up, and there is a whole world out there I have not yet even begun to imagine.)

But I don’t deserve you. I never did. I don’t know what it is you saw in me that made you want to hold on, to stay by my side, to hold me even as I tumbled into a darker world, still. I have done things these past few months I can’t even bear to put on a page, let alone say to your face. I failed you, and the person you believed me to be. And the person you made me believe I could be.

So, I’m going to cut the strings, return to the shadows, and trust that whatever path you choose, it is the one that the world had planned for you. And that I was not meant to be a part of it. I’m going to pack up my things, leave my Freehold, and move away, where I will not be tempted to trace your every footstep and hang upon your every heartbeat.

(So, I’m packing up shop and leaving town. No fuss. No grand exit. I’m going to slip away into the night and see where my heart takes me this time. Maybe I’ll try the Sudan, or go trekking across Nepal. Maybe I’ll go find out how Mexico looks by starlight. I’m gonna take the motorbike, and all the memories of you and Jack and the guys that come with it, and it and I are gonna hit the road and see where it leads.)

So, I’m leaving you. And I’m sorry. You don’t deserve all the hurt I have caused, and will cause you, but to stay will only hurt you more, I think. I hope you will forgive me. I believe you will. And I will try and heal myself, and become someone more worthy of your affection, and perhaps, one day, your love.

Flourish. Grow. Live. Learn. Love. Become everything you were supposed to become. I will no longer watch. But I will hope with all my heart that you succeed, and build the life you so deserve, away from the world I have grown to hate.

(Heal yourself, brother. You’re in a dark place, and I’ve done all I can. From here on out, you need to start taking care of yourself a little better. And take care of her, too. And maybe someday we’ll cross paths again, and I’ll see how the years have changed you. And me.)

Pray for me, as you always have. Then let me go, quietly, and without a fight. You’re becoming stronger and wiser and worthy of so much more than I can give, night by night, and though I am young and quarrelsome and brazen, I love you. And I am in awe of you, always.

I love you.

(I’ll miss you.)

Forgive me.

Your mother, Madelaine.

(S)

Your Darcy

A message to you, RUDV

[sotongeistooc.livejournal.com]

( A message to you, RUDV )

[Lost] Lost on a Cold Wind

[mionassmaster.livejournal.com]

 

( Cut due to nasty content )

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZMGksjRRxs&feature=related

 

[Mage] Psych Officer

[frothy-bunny.livejournal.com]

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