A girl goes for a walk
Mar. 11th, 2008 09:09 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
becky-spence.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
writing_shadowsAria slipped quietly out of the room. There was, after all, only so much overlooking of being stared at that a girl could manage at any one time.
She had sat quietly, trying to stay out of the way, while Rosie worked her magic to heal Carin, thankfully somewhat more effectively than Aria’s own efforts, and for that she was more grateful than words could really express, and certainly couldn’t be expressed right there and then in a room full of people to watch as she stuttered over the words.
So, out she slipped. Just a quick walk, down to the local park. The rain was light, for once, and she shrugged off her shoes to press her toes into the damp grass as she walked. Her feet took her to a wide, ancient-looking oak tree, with low-slung branches, and she curled up at the base of it, lent back against its trunk and just paused to listen to the whole park around her breathe.
Eyes closed, she concentrated on slowing her own breathing, enforcing calmness where there was none, and working desperately hard to process everything that had happened over the previous 48 hours.
Reeva’s face, kindly saying “Oh, I’m sure he’s fine. You’d know if he wasn’t, wouldn’t you?” Because that was how True Love worked, of course, you just knew if your True Love was in danger. She hadn’t known. Hadn’t realised. Had sent the message to ask if anything had happened when Steampunk commented there’d been trouble in London. Waiting for a reply, mostly expecting nothing serious. Shaking like a leaf when the reply came back. “Doug nearly retaken. I’m injured…this message dictated by Carin, who can’t actually move much, sent by Aiden.” Oh, she’d held it together long enough, all right, taking a plane with Jack to get there as quick as she could, realising she’d missed a message from Dey at the same time and wondering just how many people had been trying to get hold of her and she’d NOT NOTICED. Seeing everyone crowded around him, him looking pale and grey and just not right, and not knowing what to do to fix things.
All that, all running through her head, and trying to stay in one piece and strong in the face of it. She wryly considered that it was probably too much for anyone to manage, let alone her. But someone had to, she supposed, because everyone was worried, that much was obvious. Poor Rosie, who everyone said was broken, but didn’t know how best to fix. Doug, who was kind and honest, and gentle, and yet who missed Arcadia so much it seemed he’d abandon his Motley just to go back there. Rea, well who the hell knew what was going on there, except she’d clearly taken a massive jump backwards, not forwards this time. Cormac, well, hell, she knew how much he was broken, but not over this at least. Aiden seemed the most stable of them all, which made Aria wonder whether he was just as good at hiding as she was.
Being strong in a crisis was not what she had been designed for. Being pretty, yes. Manipulative, certainly. The consummate seductress, definitely. Having a backbone and free will and the ability to argue back, no. It’d taken years to get that back, and any of a number of little crises could set her right back down in her place. Even if he felt sorry about it now, wanted to make amends now, Cormac had taken that away from her, with her own foolish, stupid, ill-considered agreement, and Carin had been the one to give it back. The thought of losing that, of losing him again…
She hoped, idly, that this time everyone was so distracted taking care of Carin that they hadn’t decided to try and follow her, because breaking down with an audience had not been her plan. She hugged her knees close to her chest, and finally let the tears fall.
The moments passed, and she got to her feet, brushed her toes of dew, and replaced her shoes. She carefully dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief, took a few more deep breaths, and pulled out a compact to gently repair her makeup. She walked slowly back to the house, and by the time she knocked on the door to be let back in, the calm and confident face was back firmly in place.
She had sat quietly, trying to stay out of the way, while Rosie worked her magic to heal Carin, thankfully somewhat more effectively than Aria’s own efforts, and for that she was more grateful than words could really express, and certainly couldn’t be expressed right there and then in a room full of people to watch as she stuttered over the words.
So, out she slipped. Just a quick walk, down to the local park. The rain was light, for once, and she shrugged off her shoes to press her toes into the damp grass as she walked. Her feet took her to a wide, ancient-looking oak tree, with low-slung branches, and she curled up at the base of it, lent back against its trunk and just paused to listen to the whole park around her breathe.
Eyes closed, she concentrated on slowing her own breathing, enforcing calmness where there was none, and working desperately hard to process everything that had happened over the previous 48 hours.
Reeva’s face, kindly saying “Oh, I’m sure he’s fine. You’d know if he wasn’t, wouldn’t you?” Because that was how True Love worked, of course, you just knew if your True Love was in danger. She hadn’t known. Hadn’t realised. Had sent the message to ask if anything had happened when Steampunk commented there’d been trouble in London. Waiting for a reply, mostly expecting nothing serious. Shaking like a leaf when the reply came back. “Doug nearly retaken. I’m injured…this message dictated by Carin, who can’t actually move much, sent by Aiden.” Oh, she’d held it together long enough, all right, taking a plane with Jack to get there as quick as she could, realising she’d missed a message from Dey at the same time and wondering just how many people had been trying to get hold of her and she’d NOT NOTICED. Seeing everyone crowded around him, him looking pale and grey and just not right, and not knowing what to do to fix things.
All that, all running through her head, and trying to stay in one piece and strong in the face of it. She wryly considered that it was probably too much for anyone to manage, let alone her. But someone had to, she supposed, because everyone was worried, that much was obvious. Poor Rosie, who everyone said was broken, but didn’t know how best to fix. Doug, who was kind and honest, and gentle, and yet who missed Arcadia so much it seemed he’d abandon his Motley just to go back there. Rea, well who the hell knew what was going on there, except she’d clearly taken a massive jump backwards, not forwards this time. Cormac, well, hell, she knew how much he was broken, but not over this at least. Aiden seemed the most stable of them all, which made Aria wonder whether he was just as good at hiding as she was.
Being strong in a crisis was not what she had been designed for. Being pretty, yes. Manipulative, certainly. The consummate seductress, definitely. Having a backbone and free will and the ability to argue back, no. It’d taken years to get that back, and any of a number of little crises could set her right back down in her place. Even if he felt sorry about it now, wanted to make amends now, Cormac had taken that away from her, with her own foolish, stupid, ill-considered agreement, and Carin had been the one to give it back. The thought of losing that, of losing him again…
She hoped, idly, that this time everyone was so distracted taking care of Carin that they hadn’t decided to try and follow her, because breaking down with an audience had not been her plan. She hugged her knees close to her chest, and finally let the tears fall.
The moments passed, and she got to her feet, brushed her toes of dew, and replaced her shoes. She carefully dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief, took a few more deep breaths, and pulled out a compact to gently repair her makeup. She walked slowly back to the house, and by the time she knocked on the door to be let back in, the calm and confident face was back firmly in place.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-03-11 09:51 am (UTC)I don't think it was a good weekend for anyone, in changeling world.
no subject
Date: 2008-03-11 09:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-11 10:00 am (UTC)Poor Aria indeed. Fortunately Dey has enough worries without following Aria into a park :o)