First Night

[kathminchin.livejournal.com]

I had this weird dream about a bird. And when I woke up, my flat was trashed and I was a vampire

“What the heck happened to me last night? I’m curled up in a ball in the middle of the floor covered in feathers and shreds of fabric. There’s glass across the floor from the telly; did someone break in?

So hungry. Need food, but there’s nothing in the fridge that’s not mouldy. I’ve lost a week – how have I lost a week?

Pizza, online, no thought required, just my normal order. Right, let’s start getting things cleared up, then I can see what’s been nicked.

That’s odd. Nothing’s missing from my purse. The laptop’s here (ok, it has a huge crack across the screen and won’t boot up, but it’s here), so’s my mobile and three bottles of vodka. Nothing’s missing – just half my belongings are lying broken on the floor.

Have I managed to piss off someone so much that this is a warning?

Doorbell rings, excellent, pizza is here. Hang on, none of the bolts are undone. What the heck’s happened here? Crap, need to find my cash. Let in pizza boy and then ...

Oh God, what the hell? He’s lying on the floor, his eyes staring at the ceiling, and I’ve just got up from his corpse with a mouthful of blood, and I swear my canines are longer. I can’t remember what happened; I just know I’m not hungry anymore.

Computer, search engine. Ignore the cooling corpse; try to work out what’s happened. Am I insane? Possibly. Vampire serial killers? Don’t think Satan’s telling me what to do. Look at the body; shit those are teeth marks like in the movies. Well, one myth is licking them gets rid of them so let’s try it.

Oh bugger. I’m a vampire. Now what do I do?

The answer of course, is get rid of the bloody corpse you idiot.