[Lost] Into the West

[frothy-bunny.livejournal.com]

And now I lay me down to sleep
I Pray the Lord my soul to keep
And if I die before I wake
I pray the Lord my soul to take

I made a deal.  I was lucky I guess, 367 days for the price of 366.  Today has been a good day though it was killing Arthur.  We trained for hours, again and again, his heart wasn’t in it, but he did it for me.  My heart wasn’t in it either but I refuse to lie down and accept my last day.  I don’t get to die in battle, I don’t get to die doing my duty, but I am damned if I am lying down to die alone.  My brother is here, like he has been these last 2 years.  I feel the warmth of his skin as we lie down to sleep.  I know I will not wake up as he holds me close, I can feel the hate and the anger burning off him as he has to accept there is nothing to be done , though he wants to try.  Tonight Death in Dreams will come for our bargain and I have nothing but myself to give him.  I can feel Arthur’s heart beating and I fight back the tears.  I do not want to die as I lie there with a man who I love, and who loves me still.  I think of Liam and know I will see him soon.  I think of Mac and wonder if I will see her.  My mind moves back to the living. Venice and her new house, all she tried to do after Liam’s death, she’ll cope, she always coped.  Rex.... will he even know that I have gone, will he notice while he spends the hours with his Lovers.  Astraea, My sister.  I wish I could have said goodbye properly, but it is all too painful.  I cling to Arthur and wonder what death is truly like and I close my eyes one last time.