More Solace background tat
Nov. 16th, 2011 01:55 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
annwfyn.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
writing_shadowsThe red headed woman – Eliza, that is her name – pales a little when I mention Korsten’s name.
"Yeah I know of him, could point him out to you. Doubt he'd know me,”
She chews on her lip a little uncomfortably.
"I'd rather introduce you to Verity," she says, “Korsten may be a little compromised at the moment, but Verity is lovely, she would love to meet you"
"Compromised?" I ask.
"Well, his son died on Saturday, and there is a rumour he's gone of and joined the..." and she looks around before lowering her voice "…well, that he joined the Pure. I don't want to gossip, especially if it’s not true, but it’s not something that I want to be the last to find out its true when I'm being bundled off to them.
"Apparently he has a few kids. They call him all sorts of names about how many he has fathered.”
It isn’t dignified to cry. It isn’t ladylike to scream. Therefore I do neither, and instead just sit very still, and hope that Eliza can’t tell that I am dying inside.
I shouldn’t feel this way. I know I shouldn’t. What am I mourning for anyway?
Just a stupid dream that should have died a long time ago.
And what kind of dream was it anyway? Where did it come from? The memory of a scarred up man, standing in the twilight? He offered me whisky that burnt my throat. He gave me my first cigarette and laughed at me when I couldn’t breathe the stupid smoke without coughing and choking.
Don’t think that he seduced me. It wasn’t like that. I wasn’t a child. I was nineteen years old, and knew my worth. Rather, I approached him, and he followed me away from the firelight and into the shadows.
I shouldn’t have done that. I knew that I’d already been marked, that I was another’s prize.
“You know my family would try and kill both of us if they found us like this…”
“Some risks are worth taking…”
We were both stupid to think that. But then, he was a lowborn mongrel. I didn’t exactly expect brains from him. I should have known better. My bloodline has been pure for a thousand years. But that night it felt like he was the only thing I had ever wanted in my life.
I didn’t ever think that I would matter to him. Still, I can’t forget how gentle he was with me when he first kissed me, or how fierce he was when he finally let go and lost himself inside me.
”Do you think you will die tomorrow?”
“As long as I die in battle, then I will die happy. If it is tomorrow, so be it. I will follow Skolis-Ur where he leads.”
I knew my people expected the mongrels they had allied with to die the next day. That was why they had been called upon, to die before a high born warrior had to risk his own life.
"If you do survive, will you let me know? You don't have to come and see me again. Just...give me a sign. Come here, if you like, and leave something that I know came from you.”
He ran his hands across my hair and pulled me close to him. He felt warm to touch. For a moment I wanted to cling to him, beg him to take me with him when he went. But I do have my dignity. Instead I ran my fingers across his body, trying to remember every single line, every single scar.
I don’t believe in love at first sight, but when I was nineteen I did. Of course it was just an illusion. He had a son already. I never gave him a son; just one night and then, nine months later, a scrap of a baby girl who he never even knew about. I knew all that, and I wasn’t coming to see him because I expected him to welcome me with open arms.
At least, I thought I wasn’t.
But it doesn’t matter anymore.
Eliza is talking again. I like this woman. She doesn’t ask questions, and her kindness is all practical. She’s easier to be with, easier than I thought another person could be, and I’m grateful to her for telling me all this. I hope that the Winter girl will be able to help as well, and I think perhaps she will. Her mother was kind, for one of the Firetouched, you see.
The memories cut a little at me, like broken glass. But that will fade, I hope. I don’t want to remember the slow sleepy warmth of Korsten’s body pressed against mine in the hazy silver dawn. I don’t want to think about the only thing I ever asked from him, before we said goodbye.
I will still find him. I have to, you see. My husband lies dead at my hand and my people will kill me if they catch me. I can’t afford to let myself get snarled up with dreams and fantasies from another lifetime. I can’t. Instead, I will use him, and I will take from him that which I need because right now I don’t have a choice.
And I will never let him know just how much he mattered to me.
"You'll remember me, won't you?"
"Always."
"Yeah I know of him, could point him out to you. Doubt he'd know me,”
She chews on her lip a little uncomfortably.
"I'd rather introduce you to Verity," she says, “Korsten may be a little compromised at the moment, but Verity is lovely, she would love to meet you"
"Compromised?" I ask.
"Well, his son died on Saturday, and there is a rumour he's gone of and joined the..." and she looks around before lowering her voice "…well, that he joined the Pure. I don't want to gossip, especially if it’s not true, but it’s not something that I want to be the last to find out its true when I'm being bundled off to them.
"Apparently he has a few kids. They call him all sorts of names about how many he has fathered.”
It isn’t dignified to cry. It isn’t ladylike to scream. Therefore I do neither, and instead just sit very still, and hope that Eliza can’t tell that I am dying inside.
I shouldn’t feel this way. I know I shouldn’t. What am I mourning for anyway?
Just a stupid dream that should have died a long time ago.
And what kind of dream was it anyway? Where did it come from? The memory of a scarred up man, standing in the twilight? He offered me whisky that burnt my throat. He gave me my first cigarette and laughed at me when I couldn’t breathe the stupid smoke without coughing and choking.
Don’t think that he seduced me. It wasn’t like that. I wasn’t a child. I was nineteen years old, and knew my worth. Rather, I approached him, and he followed me away from the firelight and into the shadows.
I shouldn’t have done that. I knew that I’d already been marked, that I was another’s prize.
“You know my family would try and kill both of us if they found us like this…”
“Some risks are worth taking…”
We were both stupid to think that. But then, he was a lowborn mongrel. I didn’t exactly expect brains from him. I should have known better. My bloodline has been pure for a thousand years. But that night it felt like he was the only thing I had ever wanted in my life.
I didn’t ever think that I would matter to him. Still, I can’t forget how gentle he was with me when he first kissed me, or how fierce he was when he finally let go and lost himself inside me.
”Do you think you will die tomorrow?”
“As long as I die in battle, then I will die happy. If it is tomorrow, so be it. I will follow Skolis-Ur where he leads.”
I knew my people expected the mongrels they had allied with to die the next day. That was why they had been called upon, to die before a high born warrior had to risk his own life.
"If you do survive, will you let me know? You don't have to come and see me again. Just...give me a sign. Come here, if you like, and leave something that I know came from you.”
He ran his hands across my hair and pulled me close to him. He felt warm to touch. For a moment I wanted to cling to him, beg him to take me with him when he went. But I do have my dignity. Instead I ran my fingers across his body, trying to remember every single line, every single scar.
I don’t believe in love at first sight, but when I was nineteen I did. Of course it was just an illusion. He had a son already. I never gave him a son; just one night and then, nine months later, a scrap of a baby girl who he never even knew about. I knew all that, and I wasn’t coming to see him because I expected him to welcome me with open arms.
At least, I thought I wasn’t.
But it doesn’t matter anymore.
Eliza is talking again. I like this woman. She doesn’t ask questions, and her kindness is all practical. She’s easier to be with, easier than I thought another person could be, and I’m grateful to her for telling me all this. I hope that the Winter girl will be able to help as well, and I think perhaps she will. Her mother was kind, for one of the Firetouched, you see.
The memories cut a little at me, like broken glass. But that will fade, I hope. I don’t want to remember the slow sleepy warmth of Korsten’s body pressed against mine in the hazy silver dawn. I don’t want to think about the only thing I ever asked from him, before we said goodbye.
I will still find him. I have to, you see. My husband lies dead at my hand and my people will kill me if they catch me. I can’t afford to let myself get snarled up with dreams and fantasies from another lifetime. I can’t. Instead, I will use him, and I will take from him that which I need because right now I don’t have a choice.
And I will never let him know just how much he mattered to me.
"You'll remember me, won't you?"
"Always."
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Date: 2011-11-16 02:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-16 03:00 pm (UTC)I also need to write something for Kath who has been awesome with the scening.
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Date: 2011-11-16 07:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-16 03:27 pm (UTC)No Kent game, annoyingly (nor space in the existing schedule for one, TBH), and I don't have the time to travel at the moment - plus Dave isn't fussed on playing Fuzzy the Forsaken, so I'd be travelling solo...
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Date: 2011-11-16 04:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-16 06:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-16 07:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-16 09:41 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2011-11-18 10:20 am (UTC)(Reply to this) (Parent)