Dear diary

[akonken.livejournal.com]

Rose stared at the words. That was how these things were supposed to start. And then you wrote down your feelings, your thoughts, and...she wasn't sure what else.

She picked up Spring's pen and wrote:

I am afraid

and stopped.

She could feel the emotions burbling and roiling, trying to get out and stopped up in her throat. She shook her head to try and shake them out, to roll them gently through her arm to trickle out of her fingertips.

I don't know what to do. I hate sitting here and waiting for Her to be sent away. I hate that trying to help would put everyone in more danger. I hate that She wants me, and that part of me wants to let Her have me. I hate that I am endangering Spring just by loving Him.

She stared again. Could her curse be so great? She couldn't destroy her beloved Season too, could she? She felt sick suddenly.

Please don't make me leave Him.

That wasn't something to say to her diary. That was something to pray.

I thought about finding a fire when I heard. All I wanted to do was burn up until I was nothing. Really nothing. Part of me still does. If it comes down to it, I'll do that before I go back to her.

Lorica asked me to go with him. The not-him, I mean. I keep thinking about it.

Patrick said I was bad. That scared me, but it felt good too - like someone besides Domdaniel could see it. Maybe it's an Autumn thing. Maybe that's why Adrianne really stopped liking me.

I miss the Sit Down already.

I miss everything outside of here. I miss helping.

I miss being happy.

I miss Lorica. I miss them all, but I miss Lorica most. I think maybe we really were soulmates, and maybe I really will never be happy again without him.

I don't know if writing this all down has helped.

Comments

[annwfyn.livejournal.com]

Lorica was really good for Rose. I think that was the last time I saw Rose looking really happy and functional, actually. He and Rose seemed to properly work.

[akonken.livejournal.com]

Indeed...

[mionassmaster.livejournal.com]

<3 Rose.

[akonken.livejournal.com]

Weirdo. ;)

[elizathemekhet.livejournal.com]

Poor Rose

Saff would be dreadfully upset if she knew