writing_shadows

OOC: This one is for Sally :) Hope you like it.

The Carnival was bright and full of noise and people bustling around. Tegan wasn’t quite sure what to make of it and wandered fairly aimlessly amongst the stalls. There were games to play and you could win a goldfish, but she didn’t want a goldfish and would probably manage to kill it through neglect if she got one, so she left them alone.

People kept talking about the Big Top so she decided perhaps checking that out would help. The idea here was supposed to be to have fun, though she wasn’t entirely sure how that worked but she was supposed to try anyway.

She walked away from the lights of the main Carnival towards the Big Top when a pair of eyes met hers and she suddenly felt a bolt of fear run through her. The woman flinched in response when she saw Tegan, ducking to almost hide behind Jack as they trailed passed her on their way to the Carnival.

Tegan’s heart pounded loudly in her chest, her ears rang and she stumbled and almost fell over, grabbing hold of something to keep her upright.

“Are you alright Tegan?” Lucan’s voice dimly reached her.

“I am fine.” The words were a lie but they sprang easily to her lips, she did not wish to explain. She stumbled onwards, not quite sure where she was going, her mind was in a daze and fear still gripped every part of her.

“What’s wrong Tegan?” Tor’s voice then followed her, she kept moving, trying to get away but he caught up to her anyway.

“It can’t be her.” Tegan muttered to herself more than anything else, “She can’t be here because he might be here and he can’t be here, he can’t be…” She was babbling now, her fear taking over.

“Tell me what’s wrong.” He asked her gently. She looked at him her expression like a deer caught in headlights. Memories came back to her of a time when she had cried on his shoulder after she had lost Moorcroft and when Mac had been cruel. She had told him something she hadn’t really told anyone else and he had understood, maybe he would be about this too.

So it had all come out, hesitantly at first, but the story of it all. How she had escaped Darken Fel only to fall into the hands of Privateers, how they had given her the choice to be taken back to Arcadia or to join them. How she had lost herself, become more elemental than person. That she had killed, helped take others to the Gentry and how she had come to be saved in the end. That the woman she might have seen was someone they had hurt and someone who would know exactly what she had done and might well tell others.

“How do I explain all of this?” She looked at Tor.

“Talk to her, tell her what you told me. People will understand.”

Tegan nodded slowly, “I’m afraid to face her, I am not sure if I can. I need a while to think, to work this out.”

He nodded in response, “If you want me to be with you if you do decide to talk to her then let me know.”

They went into the Big Top after that, Tegan didn’t pay too much attention to the show as her mind was still on old memories and her fear of what the future would bring now. When it was done and they slipped away she went back to the Carnival and looked around. She asked Jack if the woman he had been with earlier was still around and he said that she had left. She wondered if he knew, if she had told him but he made no move to denounce her or to attack. She asked Tor to talk to Jack later, to see if she could perhaps speak with her another time and then she slipped off into the night.