Post Amsterdam

[kathminchin.livejournal.com]

Dolly dumped her laptop bag and rucksack on the beanbag and flopped down onto the futon that served as her bed. It was looking somewhat tatty; the result of being the bed of a vampire suffering nightmares; she’d managed to rip the mattress cover and the pillow’s stuffing was showing.

She stared at the ceiling as she tried to bring her thoughts in some semblance of order.

”You were showing considerable amounts of envy; and Stefan was concerned.”

Dolly had carefully answered Von Starkenberg; trying not to let her feelings about Stefan show on her face. The discussion she’d had with Von Starkenberg after the nightmares had disturbed his sleep hadn’t left her feelings about what Stefan had done any less mixed; if anything it had made them worse. Added to the mix of emotions she’d felt when watching Sharpe and Katie interact and she was even less sure about things.

Stefan had said he wanted her to be less neurotic about sex; and just hadn’t got what she’d been trying to tell him. She sighed. She was obviously crap at explaining feelings; that was the main issue. Von Starkenberg had said that he’d attacked her. She was not so ready to agree that his assessment applied in this case. She hadn’t exactly fought him off or told him no after all.

”Max Adams wants to speak with you. He was talking about staking you for being under a demon’s influence but I have told him you will be fine by the time he sees you.”

Dolly wasn’t quite sure what she made of this. If she’d been possessed that would have been one thing; but staking her for being under the influence struck her as being a completely unreasonable punishment – not to mention damn stupid. Putting a stake in someone just meant that they wouldn’t be able to try and fight the demon off; and it would be left to whisper into their mind unhindered. Possibly even possess them.

She hadn’t thought Max was that dense really; which meant that he had to have a reason for wanting her staked in that situation. She thought he’d understood how she felt about that kind of thing. The idea of something external slipping into her mind and playing with her thoughts like that made her feel frightened. But he’d wanted her like that.

You were supposed to be able to trust certain figures in your existence as a vampire. Sire was one of them; and to be fair she had trusted Charlie; even if that trust had been that he’d be a monster. Coterie mates were another group; but so far her coteries mates had included Jack; who’d reneged on his promise; Stefan; who’d not even bothered to hide his lack of enthusiasm; and Max; who’d wanted her staked and at the mercy of a demon. Only TS had tried to help her; and in fact had done what he’d said he’d do.

She looked at the shelf above her head. On it was a small urn; and a wax mask that was split in two; and an unlit votive candle. Von Starkenberg had nodded with approval when he’d seen it. Dolly had wondered at the time what he’d have thought if she’d told him she intended to repair it. Her research into wax dolls had resulted in an order for a set of equipment to make wax doll heads and it had arrived whilst she’d been in Amsterdam. Right now however she wasn’t in a good head space to be trying to work out how to deal with hot wax.

She should write up a report on the previous evening’s activities and send it to Leviticus. She also should contact Max and arrange to meet. But right now Max was the last person (well one of the last people) she wanted to talk to; much less see.

When she had been human; if she’d felt this way she’d always left. Left her home; stopped contacting anyone and waited until the thoughts buzzing round her head had stopped frustrating her. When she’d first been made she’d done the same; mainly to Bob admittedly but still. Leaving the situation seemed like a really good idea; even if it meant people would be pissed at her. At least it would be a logical reason for them to be annoyed.

She stood up and upended her rucksack to sort through her clothes. If she was going to run away she was going to need a change of clothes.