(Mortals) Begin to hope.
Oct. 15th, 2010 04:20 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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writing_shadows"Emma."
"Emma."
"Hey, Emma!"
Shit, that's my name now. I blink a bit and squint up over my glasses at the guy in front of me. He's in my Anthro class. What's his name? Shit. He sits next to me and everything.
"Uh...hey." Gary. His name's Gary. Now I can look like less of an idiot. "Hey Gary. How's it going?"
He grins at me. Wasn't he expecting me to remember his name? All that panic for nothing. "You were lost in space. You okay?"
Okay? Am I okay?
It's almost time for finals, and I have no idea how I'm going to pass them all. Why are they all the same week, anyway? Do they want people to have nervous breakdowns? Where am I going to stay over summer? I can't go home, can I? And I can't stay here. Nobody's going to want a lodger for three months, are they? I'm eighteen years old. They're not going to believe I'm grown-up enough to not skip out on the rent. Can I keep my part-time job? Can I work another one over the summer? What if something happens and they find out who I am? Why can't I get used to the name Emma? Gary was standing right in front of me calling me by it, and I still blanked him.
How am I supposed to live like this?
I shrug. "Yeah, all right, I guess." He's not convinced; they're never convinced when I lie. Not since I was about six.
"Listen," he says, plowing on anyway. "There's this party this weekend, and, you know, I was thinking..."
I stare at him blankly. A party? He wants me to...
"Maybe we could go? Together?"
A party? I've never been to a party. Not even when they were literally at my doorway (and loud.) I've never been invited, and I've focused on my schoolwork. If I get arrested for fraud, I'm going to be a well-educated convict. Not a beery one.
I stare at him a little too long. "It was just a thought," he says, sounding sulky.
"No, I- That would be nice, thanks." A party. With a boy. I haven't gone out with a boy since Mickey, and that-
"Great! Pick you up at your room at 9?"
I can only nod.
The party's all right; it's at one of the frat houses and there's loud music and kegs and people everywhere and just noise. It's overwhelming.
About an hour in I find this girl who's looking for a roommate over the summer. I end up talking to her most of the night, getting things sorted.
Gary leaves with someone else. All right. That's not so bad; the important thing is I'm not going to be homeless, and might not be found out.
Maybe being Emma's going to work.
"Emma."
"Hey, Emma!"
Shit, that's my name now. I blink a bit and squint up over my glasses at the guy in front of me. He's in my Anthro class. What's his name? Shit. He sits next to me and everything.
"Uh...hey." Gary. His name's Gary. Now I can look like less of an idiot. "Hey Gary. How's it going?"
He grins at me. Wasn't he expecting me to remember his name? All that panic for nothing. "You were lost in space. You okay?"
Okay? Am I okay?
It's almost time for finals, and I have no idea how I'm going to pass them all. Why are they all the same week, anyway? Do they want people to have nervous breakdowns? Where am I going to stay over summer? I can't go home, can I? And I can't stay here. Nobody's going to want a lodger for three months, are they? I'm eighteen years old. They're not going to believe I'm grown-up enough to not skip out on the rent. Can I keep my part-time job? Can I work another one over the summer? What if something happens and they find out who I am? Why can't I get used to the name Emma? Gary was standing right in front of me calling me by it, and I still blanked him.
How am I supposed to live like this?
I shrug. "Yeah, all right, I guess." He's not convinced; they're never convinced when I lie. Not since I was about six.
"Listen," he says, plowing on anyway. "There's this party this weekend, and, you know, I was thinking..."
I stare at him blankly. A party? He wants me to...
"Maybe we could go? Together?"
A party? I've never been to a party. Not even when they were literally at my doorway (and loud.) I've never been invited, and I've focused on my schoolwork. If I get arrested for fraud, I'm going to be a well-educated convict. Not a beery one.
I stare at him a little too long. "It was just a thought," he says, sounding sulky.
"No, I- That would be nice, thanks." A party. With a boy. I haven't gone out with a boy since Mickey, and that-
"Great! Pick you up at your room at 9?"
I can only nod.
The party's all right; it's at one of the frat houses and there's loud music and kegs and people everywhere and just noise. It's overwhelming.
About an hour in I find this girl who's looking for a roommate over the summer. I end up talking to her most of the night, getting things sorted.
Gary leaves with someone else. All right. That's not so bad; the important thing is I'm not going to be homeless, and might not be found out.
Maybe being Emma's going to work.
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Date: 2010-10-17 12:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-17 04:39 pm (UTC)