W:tF - Mental Snapshot

[maakeff.livejournal.com]

       My family is dead.

       Well, all but dead. Cailleach stayed away, Ben came back and left me again, may Janesca rest in peace, and Harm is still my sister but also now a mother on the other side of the country. I wonder if she knows how dodgy the father of her child is? I wonder if she knows how dodgy I am, for that matter.

       I'm shivering. Partially because it hurts to think about this, partially because I am sitting on top of one of the spires of St. Paul's in the witching hour and it is raining. Not a light drizzle, a hard pounding heavy rain where every drop is a brutal punishment.

       I get mocked so often for aspiring to be "Batman". But you know what? That fictional character has the right idea. And, I could really use a cape like his, for gliding purposes. Maybe I could get my trenchcoat made into some kind of gliding-wing fetish...

       Everything's about to change. It has to, it can't continue like this anymore. I've clung to the past, hoping it will stay together and my home won't be broken - but it's too late now and I need to let go. The guys can cope, they're stronger than they think and they don't want me around anyway. They can re-forge, re-form, and make their own future.

       I don't know what I'll do, except take some time out. Business will still need taking care of, but I don't need a pack for that. I can be homeless for a while.

       Below me is the mass of humanity. Except that it's laid bare to me just how "human" they all are. Spirits in Twilight, spirits in people, occasionally there's a flicker of greyed-out aura colours as a vampire walks carefree through my town, and slightly more often is the unusual aura of sparkles - I don't know what they are, but they don't cause me any trouble that I've seen. And there are the street lights too, bright yellow illuminating the floors and keeping people looking down. Harsh yellow light, softened by the rainfall as it disperses the light even as the puddles reflect more light, causing a riot of sensory stimuli...

       The world is beautiful. My town is beautiful, but it's not home anymore. I think I know what I need to do, now all I need is the strength to do it. Hugin, Munin, help me. Black Wolf, help me. Mother, help me. And I will help myself.

Comments

[akonken.livejournal.com]

Thank you for that! It was beautifully written, and it's always nice to see inside the heads of others, particularly stoic or deceptive characters. Well done. :)

[annwfyn.livejournal.com]

I really really like this.

Thank you for writing it.

[kathminchin.livejournal.com]

Poor Jay.

And that's really beautifully written

[suave-steve.livejournal.com]

A nice piece, and good insight into Jay's development and mirrors where Mal has been too.