My Mage's Innermost Thinkings

[maakeff.livejournal.com]

OK, so, I’m nearly a god. It’s cool. :-) So, what is “being a mage” all about?

 

• Magic
• Flying
• Power to influence people, aka Politics
• Flying
• Power to do what I want
• Flying
• Becoming a god, or “ascending” as it’s known
• Oh, and flying.

 

Hmm. That’s a bunch of sceptical shit right there. Aside from being able to fly, of course.

 

Right, so, “maaaa-gick”. I can see people’s thoughts. I can hear radio waves. I can change what a person feels. I can hurl balls of flaming death down the street. I can feel when distance changes around me, so whenever anything moves, I sense it. I can sieve through a person’s memory, changing and editing as my whims take me. I can turn myself invisible. I can create consciousness, with but a minor effort of will. I can conjure radiation, and best of all, I can fly. Magic is wonderful! I love how it makes me feel more than human, special, capable of anything I can visualise and understand how the energy flows. I honestly think thank that if I lost this, I’d kill myself.

 

            I know that some bad stuff happened when I was young. I know, because my sister told me, and I have seen the files and the news stories. But it doesn’t feel like it was me… And despite my mastery of the mind, I really don’t want to delve into it. It sounds like it was very painful, and that’s not really something I want to remember in glorious Technicolour ™ 3D Stereovision THX certified 5imensional Dolby 2000.3 Ultra-Stereoscopic Surround-Sound, with rumble features. So, I’m going to carry on as I am, being who I am now. Whoever I was then is as good as dead anyway, when my soul got shattered. I have to admit that I do owe my sister, though – she’s wracked with guilt over her perceived betrayal of me, but if she didn’t go around and track as many pieces of my soul as she did, then I wouldn’t be here now, Awake, and conscious.

 

            Sis – I owe you. Thankyou. Stop beating yourself up over what you had to do to who I was, you did what you had to. I bear you no grudge, and probably even owe you.

 

            Being a Mage is all about having the power to influence people, both will-workers & humans. And it rocks! Especially if you know how to play the game… I can encourage humans to do pretty much whatever I want either by gently guiding their thoughts and feelings, or by just enhancing my own not-inconsiderable charms that little bit further. And wow, the things you can get a woman to do if you know just the right buttons to press in her psyche, it can blow your senses! Influencing other will-workers is a lot harder, but that just makes it more fun! You can’t directly affect them, for risk of them finding out – any sensible Mage has a Mage Sight effect up, and will see what I am doing, especially I don’t do any of the “spell-by-rote” shit. And yeah, that’s another thing – yes, I appreciate that rote spells are more reliable, and harder to trace and dispel, but they lack a certain “je ne sais qua”. There’s an art to crafting an imago on the fly, making it new and unique every time, and customised to the situation at hand. Not everyone can do it, and they lose out on the versatility offered by my approach. Also, I’m one of the strongest will-workers I know by dint of sheer connection to the supernal, so it’s possible that no-one else would be as good at it as I am, anyway. But back to the point, influencing other will-workers is more a case of enhancing my own abilities and playing the politics game of wants, desires, needs, hates, and manipulating people into helping my achieve my goals, while giving them what they think they want from me. Which is always fun!

 

            Being a Mage gives me the power to do what I want, when I want, and to ignore those who would try and restrict me. This is incomparable in value… I refuse to be bound, the time I spent in that asylum was horrific enough that I will never let it happen to me again. I refuse to acknowledge any higher authority than myself, only I have the right to determine what I will or will not do – and the best bit is that the only thing that restricts what I can and can not do is also myself, as a will-worker. Practice, time, experience, and skill. That’s all that matters, and the only thing stopping me from becoming like unto a god is my own mind.

 

            Being a Mage opens up to me the possibility of Ascending, to godhood or something like it. Oracles are mythical beings, but not beyond reach. The only thing is, from what I’m given to understand, from the stories & tales of Atlantis, the Oracles are fighting some un-ending battle against the Exarchs for the fate of the world. I don’t want that responsibility! Maybe the Imperial Secrets is a better goal to go for, increasing my powers and abilities without taking on those responsibilities – but then, even less is known about Arch-Masters, so it’s possible they’re even worse. Bah. I’ll face it when I come to it, I’ll take them ALL ON!!! Alternately, I’ll stay hidden and private, all for a quiet and enjoyable existence…

 

            I can fly.

 

            I can fucking fly.

 

            This makes it all worth while… being able to defy gravity, take-off, and be free of the constraints of the world, of everything tying me down, see the world from on high, and just… glory in the feel of such mastery, such freedom, such unparalleled utter abandon…

 

            I am a Mage.

 

I can fly.

 

            If I achieve nothing else in my life, I will die content regardless.

 

            (Assuming I do not become immortal, of course… :-) )

Comments

B's thoughts

[windzswept.livejournal.com]

I'm a mage.

This means I can do things and stuff.

I can see the future, doublecheck my own actions and the actions of others. I can effect the way a coin falls, the colour of a traffic light. I can see in the dark. I can see through walls, hell, I can turn a brick wall into a window, I know when and where people are hiding stuff. I can talk to spirits, hell, I can see spirits.

I have two homes, one in Anglesey, but there lies responsibility, and one in Birmingham, where there also lies responsibility.

I have a daughter. I'm not old enough for a daughter.

I have an apprentice. I never finished my apprenticeship.

I have a cabal, but yet, we are all separate. Atlas, he lives with his own rules, and I am consistently surprised that he hasn't killed Rune yet. Judas, has her Robin and the constant line of lovers. Rune, Rune is powermad, but he is of the Ladder, so what do you expect.

I, I have the dreams, the darkness comes and the chains twist around my arms, they pin me in place and I can't move, it encroaches and there is the tapping of a cane behind the darkness. But I know they killed the darkness. Did they leave some of it in my mind. I don't know. I have dreams where faces fade out and I know I have allowed that person to die, it was my fault, I could have stopped them, turned them round, brought them back.

I have responsibility. I am a Provost. I am trilingual. I am a Mage. I am Anglesey, I am Birmingham.

I am respected, and I am terminally confused, and sometimes I come up with plans that I know are mad, but that everyone else decides to follow through.

I follow my instincts and I can't stand non-action. I see time too much, and I can see how fast it moves and sometimes that wasted time annoys me.

I don't know what to tell this new mage, my apprentice, my responsibility. I don't know this world. I barely understand or connect with either world I live in. Why can't I just have my books and my stories and my colouring pencils and do my colouring in?

I hate this. Why do they always need me to do something? To say something? To be someone?

Yet, I'm a mage. I see the future. I know I need to be who everyone sees me as and hopes me to be, and not as I want to be.

I just want to know what is missing and someone to know who I really am.