[Lost] Deep Desires (January's Challange)

[frothy-bunny.livejournal.com]

 I’ve gone to a club.... There is a boy and your words haunt me "Now would not be the time to explain about the exercise of compassion, then.”

The boy dances closer and I let him, I let him run his hands over me and yet the anger rises, I want to draw the knife that I have pressed against my skin and plunge it into him. It would make no difference.... I can’t help myself, I want to take him home, I want to fuck him and then I want to see him bleed, I want his eye’s to ask why and I want to tell him “Because he left me”

I push him away and walk off into the darkness of the club, he looks hurt and I don’t care about that, I care that I would like to see him more hurt. Another man moves to intercept me and my hand flinches towards the dagger. I stop myself. I want to scream, I want him to run in fear and I want to chase him down.

Is this what you found attractive? This desire to kill them, to have it so bare upon my skin and my soul. You asked me to come, and to help, to be a sword when you needed it, my keenness to do this did not put you off as I crawled onto your lap. Now he has gone, now they have all gone I would paint the world in blood....

It has been too long since I felt like this.....