Lost - Toby Thoughts

[maakeff.livejournal.com]

Toby sat in the room - his new room, at least for now - on the bed, his back rigid as an iron pole. his face expressionless.

After five minutes, he was lying on his side, his body wracked with sobs, tears streaming down his face, eyes clenched shut with despair and anger.

-------------------

After he had recovered, he sat up, pulled up the pillow he'd been curled up around, puffed it up a bit before moving it behind him, and sat up, his head cleared after letting out the storm of emotions that he'd been carefully supressing since that Ogre had told him his sister might be out of the Hedge...

He remembered his old life, or tried to. He could remember asking Sarah to help him with his homework, and she'd always make time for him, despite her own work needing doing. He remembered her throwing herself whole-heartedly into her Leaver's Ball, and then coming home... changed...

Heh.

Fucking changed, alright.

She'd been Taken.

She'd been Taken that very fucking night, and he hadn't twigged.

Of course, how could he possibly have known? He'd known she'd changed, of course... thought it was perhaps she'd finally got it on with a guy she'd liked, or been dumped, or raped, or god knows what... but no.

It was her Fetch. Her fucking Fetch.

Toby screamed, the roar of an animal in pain and anger and despair, and he punched the wall.

Blood ran down his arm, from where his talons had punctured his palms.

He had to find that Keeper, the Marquise, and take his bloody, painful, hot and satisfying revenge for deceiving him, and for Taking her.

...

She had a life now, a fiancee of all things... This "Carin" worried him. He was both unstable and frighteningly controlled, at the same time. Even when he laughed, Toby got the feeling it was competely calculated... Toby again closed his eyes, fighting back the tears, thinking about how happy she seemed and how dangerous her lover was to her if he ever lost control. That was a big "if", but was it a bearable one? Who knew...

The thought then occurred to Toby that this wasn't really any of his business. He was a person, in and of himself, and had his own life. He shouldn't try to be a part of hers, even though she was the entire reason he'd been Taken - well, her Fetch, anyway. Damn, that thing had to die. It wasn't in question, except that Sarah seemed reluctant somehow?

Gyaah! His thoughts had gotten back to her again! Was there nothing more to him than his sister? He'd met a lovely girl in York, a Spring courtier called Eleanor, who he thought liked him but seemed very shy, and had a zest for life, helping life, and saving life that was a refreshing breeze to his burning desire for vengeance. He must have something he could do, for a life, but all he could remember how to do was fly, hunt, deal with goblins, and plan reveange in as many combinations of Fae Contracts as he coud come up with, which grew each time he learned a new one...

Reluctantly, Toby decided that his life had to revolve around his sister - at least for now. She was why he was as much avian as human now, she was why he fought to leave, and she had a place here, a life, a job... and he only had a roof over his head because she'd offered him a spare room. Toby didn't regret sleeping on the streets - well, the rooftops - but this was only the second bed he could actively remember sleeping in (after staying with Aline - he really ought to get in touch with her! Must remember to find out how...), and it made his heart ache with how out of place he was here.

Deyanira was lovely, so open and trusting. Toad seemed alternately playful and paranoid, which made for an interesting mix, and Bryony... oh well. If only she'd develop some courage, but she'd escaped so there must be something to her, something hidden. Figures she'd be Winter, but hey.

...

Sarah. Eleanor. Both Spring. Both enjoying life.

Shit. Was he obsessing over a surrogate sister? No. He couldn't be. Eleanor was nothing like that. And he wasn't in love with her, just friends. He didn't know her well enough for it to be more, and she seemed a little too shy... Toby resolved to go and see her again, sometime, if only so he wasn't too much of a burden on his sister.

In the meantime, though, there was power to be had. Cooper had a gang of goblins, and where there was Hobs, there was power. Goblin Contracts were always extremely potent, if costly, but there were some things Toby really wanted to do, for amost any price. And a motley was a good idea, somewhere. Nowhere seemed suitable though... Bane's motley was an attractive idea, but he barely knew him, let alone the others in the motley.

So, Toby got up off the bed, brushed himself down, wiped the tears off his face and opened the window. After becoming the golden eagle that was his other body, he flew out in search of a Pirate, his crew, and a Wolpertinger...