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writing_shadowsThe clock in the hall was striking three as Rosie climbed the stairs to her bedroom. Downstairs there was silence.
Carin had gone to bed half an hour earlier, looking tired. He had paused to speak to Doug on the stairs, and a flicker of a smile had crossed his face for the first time since his return from the North. Aidan had gone to bed earlier than that, with a hearty 'congratulations' to Carin, determinedly ignoring the fact that he was the only member of the Motley who seemed to be happy about Carin's impending marriage.
Cormac and Jack had left together a few hours earlier, discussing rock operas and 'bring your own hostage' situations.
Rosie was not entirely sure where Rea was, which was why she had not let gone to bed, and was considering trying to sleep in the airing cupboard.
Rosie sighed.
The world seemed suddenly very tangled again. For a brief moment it had felt as if she had understood this strange grey world. She had understood that she had a Motley, which were like family, and then she had others, who were friends, of a kind. She had a job, and a life, and had even bought a new pair of pyjamas which were not bright green (her previous pyjamas had been chosen after someone had told her to avoid green because it attracts the Fae).
When Carin and Rea had talked about returning to Arcadia, Rosie had not wanted to go.
And now...
Rosie opened the bedroom door, and stepped inside, looking around carefully for a marauding tree. There was no sign of one, so she closed it behind her, and perched on the edge of her neatly made bed. Her bedroom was a plain one. There were no pictures on the walls. The bed linen was an unexciting beige. The wardrobe was a cheap pine one, containing her limited selection of clothes. There were no CDs or books, or anything which indicated that someone lived in this room. Rosie had done her best to keep it this way. She had disliked the thought of owning anything. It had seemed inappropriate, just as it had seemed inappropriate to get comfortable somewhere when it was only temporary.
She was quite glad she had done this now.
Everything felt more transient again.
Jack's words echoed around in her brain.
"Thank you for the luck, Carin, but you need not worry. We are still in the Second Act, and I will not need luck until the Finale. The same to you, however. I fear I hear the end of the Intermission coming for you and Aria."
Was this the end?
Rosie stared at her hands unhappily.
Nothing felt right anymore. Carin, who had been the one who said that there was such a thing as 'right' and 'wrong', and you had to stick to what was right, no matter what your reasons, had spent the evening explaining that sometimes it was right to do the wrong thing. Carin, who would not budge once he'd made a statement, let alone an oath, had tried to explain why it was OK to make contradictory promises, and break other promises, and only keep those that met certain conditions.
This did not make sense.
Rosie dealt badly with change, and lately it felt as if her world wasn't just changing, but spinning around.
Outside, Rosie heard an owl hoot. She wandered across to the window, and stared out into the darkness.
Nothing made sense anymore. No one seemed to be consistent. She felt pushed and pulled at, and it was confusing her. Was she meant to believe in oaths? Was she not? Carin wanted the Motley to take a Motley oath that would last forever, but tonight had explained that people change, and sometimes you realize later that what was right before, was not right now. How did that work? Did that mean that he could take a Motley oath, and then leave later on?
Was this all because Carin had fallen in love?
Love seemed to be a very dangerous thing. It damaged one's Oaths, and tore at one's family. Rosie understood that being part of the Spring Court was apparently welcoming love, but right now it seemed like a terrifying thing.
Maybe it was not wise to go dancing with strange eastern Europeans.
Rosie pulled out her bright green pyajamas and looked at them thoughtfully. Again, she felt that strange sick feeling in her stomach. She wasn't sure if it was homesickness or something else anymore.
She did not get changed.
The worst part of it, she thought as she opened her bedroom door again and walked downstairs, was that she liked Aria. She did not like the verbal savaging Aria had received for leaving the Satrapy of Pearls, who, Rosie thought, seemed more like Privateers than anything else. She did not want Aria to get hurt.
But...
Rosie shook her head determinedly.
She was not going to think about this. Instead she was going to walk away for a while.
The world was changing.
Maybe when she came back things would be more settled.
Rosie tilted her head to one side. There was a door into the Hedge around here, somewhere. She could feel it. And in the Hedge things would begin to make more sense again.
Who knows. Maybe she could find her way home again.
Carin had gone to bed half an hour earlier, looking tired. He had paused to speak to Doug on the stairs, and a flicker of a smile had crossed his face for the first time since his return from the North. Aidan had gone to bed earlier than that, with a hearty 'congratulations' to Carin, determinedly ignoring the fact that he was the only member of the Motley who seemed to be happy about Carin's impending marriage.
Cormac and Jack had left together a few hours earlier, discussing rock operas and 'bring your own hostage' situations.
Rosie was not entirely sure where Rea was, which was why she had not let gone to bed, and was considering trying to sleep in the airing cupboard.
Rosie sighed.
The world seemed suddenly very tangled again. For a brief moment it had felt as if she had understood this strange grey world. She had understood that she had a Motley, which were like family, and then she had others, who were friends, of a kind. She had a job, and a life, and had even bought a new pair of pyjamas which were not bright green (her previous pyjamas had been chosen after someone had told her to avoid green because it attracts the Fae).
When Carin and Rea had talked about returning to Arcadia, Rosie had not wanted to go.
And now...
Rosie opened the bedroom door, and stepped inside, looking around carefully for a marauding tree. There was no sign of one, so she closed it behind her, and perched on the edge of her neatly made bed. Her bedroom was a plain one. There were no pictures on the walls. The bed linen was an unexciting beige. The wardrobe was a cheap pine one, containing her limited selection of clothes. There were no CDs or books, or anything which indicated that someone lived in this room. Rosie had done her best to keep it this way. She had disliked the thought of owning anything. It had seemed inappropriate, just as it had seemed inappropriate to get comfortable somewhere when it was only temporary.
She was quite glad she had done this now.
Everything felt more transient again.
Jack's words echoed around in her brain.
"Thank you for the luck, Carin, but you need not worry. We are still in the Second Act, and I will not need luck until the Finale. The same to you, however. I fear I hear the end of the Intermission coming for you and Aria."
Was this the end?
Rosie stared at her hands unhappily.
Nothing felt right anymore. Carin, who had been the one who said that there was such a thing as 'right' and 'wrong', and you had to stick to what was right, no matter what your reasons, had spent the evening explaining that sometimes it was right to do the wrong thing. Carin, who would not budge once he'd made a statement, let alone an oath, had tried to explain why it was OK to make contradictory promises, and break other promises, and only keep those that met certain conditions.
This did not make sense.
Rosie dealt badly with change, and lately it felt as if her world wasn't just changing, but spinning around.
Outside, Rosie heard an owl hoot. She wandered across to the window, and stared out into the darkness.
Nothing made sense anymore. No one seemed to be consistent. She felt pushed and pulled at, and it was confusing her. Was she meant to believe in oaths? Was she not? Carin wanted the Motley to take a Motley oath that would last forever, but tonight had explained that people change, and sometimes you realize later that what was right before, was not right now. How did that work? Did that mean that he could take a Motley oath, and then leave later on?
Was this all because Carin had fallen in love?
Love seemed to be a very dangerous thing. It damaged one's Oaths, and tore at one's family. Rosie understood that being part of the Spring Court was apparently welcoming love, but right now it seemed like a terrifying thing.
Maybe it was not wise to go dancing with strange eastern Europeans.
Rosie pulled out her bright green pyajamas and looked at them thoughtfully. Again, she felt that strange sick feeling in her stomach. She wasn't sure if it was homesickness or something else anymore.
She did not get changed.
The worst part of it, she thought as she opened her bedroom door again and walked downstairs, was that she liked Aria. She did not like the verbal savaging Aria had received for leaving the Satrapy of Pearls, who, Rosie thought, seemed more like Privateers than anything else. She did not want Aria to get hurt.
But...
Rosie shook her head determinedly.
She was not going to think about this. Instead she was going to walk away for a while.
The world was changing.
Maybe when she came back things would be more settled.
Rosie tilted her head to one side. There was a door into the Hedge around here, somewhere. She could feel it. And in the Hedge things would begin to make more sense again.
Who knows. Maybe she could find her way home again.
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Date: 2008-04-02 08:07 pm (UTC)