[Mortals] Batman...begins!

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This was originally posted at Mike's IC LJ. However, when the game started it was never updated. I thought I'd post it here for posterity. I'll put up parts 2 and 3 at a later date.

 

Day 467: Dad suggested I start putting my notes up on the Internet, or World Wide Web, or whatever the difference is. He’s pointed out that notebooks are a) prone to coffee stains and b) highly flammable, whereas electronic data can at least be saved for posterity. I can also read my own handwriting this way.

Most of the incident in the shed is extinguished. There’s still a bit of smoke coming from the beams, and most of the roof cladding has melted, but we’re more concerned with water damage. Dad reckons it was the NO. Fire was put out before it reached the H (thank Christ). Mum brought some tea down and promised Eccles cakes.

Day 472: Case NC-00273. Paperwork filed but customer irate; I have probably lost business. Saw POSSIBLE RRR and went for positive ID.

Cost to repair floorboards: £245.00 (receipt attached).

Day 474: Work on the Mk III put on hold temporarily – hired for clean-up of local alternative festival. If the litter doesn’t get shifted from Parker’s Piece it will be rodent central. The area’s already bad enough. The good news is this will fund the purchase of the sprocket set from Ebay.

Day 478: CONFIRMED SIGHTING OF SNAKE-BABY IN PIDLEY. Described as a ‘the size of a two-year-old, but with a long tail instead of legs and sharp, pointed teeth’.

Would investigate but still engaged in festival cleanup. In addition, A14 closed due to serious accident. Bloody carnies.

Day 480: Work on the Mk III progressing. Limited mobility due to condition of pressure seals, but this is offset by the lack of conduction using rubber. Seal effective around wrist: problems with grip in oily conditions.

Jessica called asking for her CD back. Will return it once I copy it.

Day 481: Forgot I’d cannibalised CD drive for optical head. CD scratched and unusable. Amazon ship in five days.

Medical report: slight graze on left shin from girlie-kick. Cricket cup surprisingly effective protection, will be incorporated in Mk III.

Day 483: Case FX-00043. Had SUGGESTIONS OF PA (!!!) in cellar. Donned Mk II and investigated with electrospectrometer. Ended up wedged in old hypocaust and lost visual on lights (appeared to shimmer and move on vertical and horizontal. Possible spectral audio recoded on Dictaphone – will analyse further. Laid down some bait boxes as confirmed pelt presence.

Day 487: Dad has converted sound analysis into temporary launch control for test flight of Icarus XII. Mum says he’s been in the OC for more than eight hours, and as he hasn’t been back to the house wants me to head down to make sure he’s not been pissing on the rhododendrons again. Watched match instead.

Day 489: Icarus XII launch failure. Right thruster had O-ring malfunction due to early morning frost, test subject CTD “Fred” decapitated. Project on hold until conservatory window repaired and structural integrity of kitchen wall determined.

Day 490: Success! Analysis of the tape from FX-00043 indicates CLEAR EVP! At first I thought it said ‘Paul is dead’, but further clear-up and tuning suggests ‘I lick widget baby’. Will investigate further if possible.

Day 494: Project Icarus scrapped on Mum’s orders. Dad working on something he calls a ‘Focal heat radiation beam emitter’ or ‘Death Ray’. Hybridised Mum’s dehumidifier and dismantled the boiler. Will call Tim, who’s CORGI registered, to take a look.

Ordered typewriter ribbons and Apeks hose from Ebay.

Day 499: POSSIBLE MP SIGHTING! Seen in back alley off Chesterton Road nr job centre. Scrambled to van and put on Mk II. Felt the tingle of excitement as I prepared to take first steps into the unexplored. Turned out to be garden gnome covered in kebab vomit. Students frustrate science!

Day 501: Jessica’s birthday. Gave her a DVD and took her for meal. Ambiance affected by stench from boots – wiffy after gig earlier in the day. Blamed waiter. Will clean tonight. Told her about Mk III. Suggested I get a life. Does not appreciate that I stand on the cusp of history. Will dump by txt.

Day 503: Van tyres slashed so in for repairs. Spent day working on Mk III. Almost ready for initial test. Some problems reaching trigger mechanism, considering use of hydrolics.

REMEMBER TO BUY SOLDER.

Day 504: ‘Death Ray’ parts arrived. Shed space occupied. Spent day researching RRR and MP sightings in Cambridgeshire area - very little data. Internet suggests RRR almost entirely limited to Germany, but found link to specimen on wikipedia. Analysed Substance P from job NC-00299. Analysis confirms strange viscosity properties. Smell suggests hair gel.

Day 505: Filed patent #47 for pack release mechanism for Mk III. Testing almost complete. Sent letter to NA for details of PA in Fens. Newspaper still going on about ‘Ripper’. Personal guess is large rodent disguised as human – like flying thing in Mimic. Explains bites. What else would do that? Vampires? Yeah, right.

Day 507: Case CC-00543 indicates interesting nocturnal dumpster activity. Investigated but sadly appears to be crack foxes. Laid down some bait boxes.

Day 510: Mark III tests complete. Final tests before field run about to commence. Will add notes as I go along.

FIRE: Slight burn around wrist and singed eyebrows before Dad extinguished. Effective.

ICE: Good grip in slippery conditions. Negative grip when cooking oil added.

SCENT: Effectively masked. Able to approach neighbour’s cat. Suit arouses curiosity rather than suspicion.

ACID: -----

Day 514: Discharged from Addenbrooke’s today. Burn almost healed, unfortunate how I fell as wrist has green stick fracture. Checked suit: arm corroded significantly and damaged beyond repair. Mk IV will require simplification of design. Dad suggests combination of diver’s dry suit and army webbing with head protection. Mum unimpressed.

Day 520: Case SC-00132. Owner mentioned URB. Intended to explore but cellar too damp to support adequate investigation. I hate living on a floodplain.

Day 527: Dad's Death Ray test a mixed success. Significant danger to user renders inoperable. Possible distraction device.

Day 529: Mk IV seems promising, requires further testing. Intend to develop possible motion sensor a la Aliens. Almost ready to venture fully into unknown.

Day 533: More waffle on Fortean group. Ripper still main focus of the paper. Now convinced large animal responsible and shock is leading to ‘vampire’ rationalisation. Mothman of Cambridge? Will try and gain access to belfries.

Day 538: Teething problems with Mk IV. Played through scary PC game levels to prepare mentally for investigative work:

1) Robbing the Cradle – Thief 3: Deadly Shadows

2) Return to the Cathedral – Thief: The Dark Project

3) Ocean House – Vampire The Masquerade: Bloodlines (crap)

4) Spiderbaby level – Doom 3

5) Zombie dogs – Resident Evil

Day 540: Case NC-00347. Low-level infestation but curious in pattern. Used camera – detected artefacts around lens. Cold air localisation in SE corner next to faulty draught excluder. Set bait boxes.

Day 544: UNCONFIRMED RRR SIGHTING IN NEW YORK! Website full of claims! Will NOT be beaten to the glory of discovery by Yanks!

Day 549: Mk IV tests complete. Slight mobility impairment and alteration to centre of gravity requires balance and experience. Boots have good grip in all conditions. Suit purge valve serves no function but looks cool.

Day 552: Mk VIII PDS effective at long ranges. Managed to knock neighbour’s cat off fence at 8m. Unfortunate where it landed. Will bury it tonight and blame local curry house.

Day 555: Went to CSU, faked student registry, obtained panic alarm. Useful as distraction.

Day 558: “Death Ray” unfeasible according to science journal. Dad has written stiff letter of rebuttal, claiming to ‘prove it with science’. Locked himself in shed again. Spent day with free weights to improve effectiveness in Mk IV. Efforts largely undermined by Mum’s decision to get a KFC.

Day 560: Mk IV tests complete. Final tests before field run about to commence. Will add notes as I go along.

FIRE: Performs worse than Mk III. Highly uncomfortable. Not recommended.

ICE: No problems with grip on ice, even when vegetable oil slick added.

SCENT: Professional scent masker effective. Unable to test on local felines.

ACID: Skipped as corrosive substances are to be avoided.

WATER: Dry suit integrity not compromised by full immersion.

GAS: Gas mask on in 2.94 seconds (three seconds exactly average result).

MOBILITY: Slight problems with backpack.

ELECTRONICS: Functional in all conditions.

CAMERA: Shoulder-mounted snapshot camera (one pic every 30 seconds) linked to system in backpack. Will bring camcorder on away missions.

SOUND: Camcorder effective recording device. Bluetooth allows communication with mobile phone even during gas drill.

Mk IV RATED READY FOR FIELD TESTING.

Day 563: Field test interrupted by derision of local youths. Suit proved resistant to eggs.

 

 

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[akonken.livejournal.com]

If I'd have somehow forgotten, this would have reminded me how much I adore you.