[Requiem] January writing challenge

[idony-fae.livejournal.com]

Dear diary,

Death ain't running away. It's just another step on the eternal journey into wherever we're all headed. And since I stopped existing as something real a long time ago, if I ever really existed in any way that mattered at all I'm still nothing but a shadow then why shouldn't I go to where the other shadows are? I'm nothing. I can't even think without it being somehow bad and I can't tell anyone they're wrong, so wrong.

I'm not afraid of dying. How could I be? I've already done it once. I won't be missed. They'll probably all be glad to see the back of me, even though I never did nothin' wrong and the only one time I broke the law was by accident and it was someone else making a big fuckin' song-and-dance show out of it. I should've read the signs - when Hel stopped calling to me it was only 'cause I was too far away in the land of the almost-living to hear her. There are no words left to write which could ever tell how much I want for her to call to me again. I'm coming.

So now the house is quiet 'cause Lorna's gone out to some party someplace and she won't be back 'til morning and I'll be well gone by then. I even cleaned the freakin' grate. The ritual's all set up in the front room, with the salt and the candles and I'm waiting for these runes to dry on my bare skin. Really I should've cut them onto myself. Hmmm. Maybe I will, a little later on. It has to look real.

The only one I feel for is poor Lorna 'cause she's always been so kind to me and she'll be the one who finds it all and she needs me really needs me... I'm all she's got. But Hel needs me more. Please forgive me, sweetheart. As for the rest of 'em, they can rot in hell for all I care.

And so now here it all ends, in a cramped and leaky little cottage on the edge of the Fens, one hundred and seventy four years of looking for the next best thing and finally, I found it. Funny, it was following me around the whole time and I didn't never even notice 'til now.