[Mage] - To be a Proximus

[lslaw.livejournal.com]

Christmas.

Christmas is a time for family; a time for the giving and receiving of gifts and good cheer; a time for parties and games and bitter, bitter recriminations. The loudest of these last in my family are always the ones that aren't voiced in my direction by the elders of the family, or towards my sister, because they can't actually say what they want to say. No-one knows why anyone Awakens, but you certainly can't do it by willing it or there would be a lot more Mages than there are in the world, which means that you can't actually blame someone if they don't, nor if they do.

This does not stop my family wanting to.

They invested, they will remind me, a great deal of money (and the equivalent in the ephemeral economy of the magical world) in my education and training. I have, they will point out, enjoyed an unusual degree of latitude in my life choices. They won't say that they expected me to Awaken and I didn't and now they think I should earn my keep and pay back that investment. They won't say either that Comnena shouldn't have Awakened, not when she showed so little promise and was fitted by the family for the role of my protection, but that's what it comes down to.

It's not even as though I don't work; I don't get my bills paid by the Mysterium for my looks and impeccable heredity. They resent that I'm still allowed to pick and choose my assignments, however, not to mention the fact that Comnena hasn't chosen to take charge of our partnership. It doesn't fit the way the world is supposed to work in their eyes, and I think that's what they can't forgive; that we do things our own way.

The rest of the family are all so desperate to Awaken, or if deemed 'past it' then desperate to convince everyone that they're okay with being ever so 'umble Proximi. It never occurs to them that either someone could actually be happy as a Proximus, or that anyone who Awakened wouldn't lord it over the Proximi who toady to them. They want me to toady, or Comnena to lord it; one of the two. They want me to be mindful of what I missed out on and be... disappointed, to feel rejected by the Supernal.

I can't help them. I don't feel rejected, just that this is my place; I am a Proximus, and one of the finest librarians in the world. I am recognised as an expert in my field - even by mages - and respected for my intellect and learning. I have a sister and we take care of each other.

That's enough for me.