writing_shadows

Amahan Iduth is no goddess. She is not a spirit to be relied on or to place our faith in. She is fickle, uncaring and distant. She is also loving, kind and beautiful. But no matter what Her nature at the time She is always madness, and so even when She loves Her children She will destroy us.

Better that we should know what our Mother is like than to paint some florid picture of Her as some loving goddess who watches over us with a guiding hand. When you are laying in the dust dying in Her name She is not weeping for you. When you call out in pain, terror and rage She will not come and rescue you. Does this mean She doesn’t love us? Fuck, can we even comprehend how a spirit such as Her thinks to understand Her love?

I don’t think so. And I don’t really give a fuck about it either. I was never one to pray to anything, before the Change I didn’t give a shit about religion and I see no reason to start now. For a while there I thought about it, even bought in to the idea of Amahan Iduth as a benevolent being who watched us. But fuck it. I gave up on that idea years back, sometime between watching my pack die and the last time I called to Luna as the Anshega came with the fire and knives.

It wasn’t faith in a goddess that let me survive, that let me remain Urdaga. It was because I gave my fucking word when I swore the Oath for the second time. And it is our word that defines us, that makes us worth anything. Better to place your expectations, your faith, your demands and requests on your own shoulders than on some distant spirit. I love Amahan Iduth, She is our Mother and is to be respected; I swore the Oath to Her. But I don’t think She gives two shits about us in the end, I don’t need to think She does though.