Carrie post-blood sharing

[annwfyn.livejournal.com]

6 am, and it'll be getting light soon.

He's tapping out a tune against the side of the bed, a rhythm both familiar and unfamiliar. Maybe it'll come to me in my dreams tonight and didn't I always say that I didn't screw musicians?

Well, I didn't screw this one, did I? There was no sex. Just blood, and a promise. And so what if we took blood straight from the skin, all tangled up in each other's arms, hot and restless and close to frenzy?

It wasn't sex. I don't know what it was.

I don't know who he is to me.

He isn't a lover, rough and cruel and likely to leave me. He can't leave, for we are tied together by blood. His Sire was my line's progenitor and that matters, don't it?

He isn't family proper, though, is he? The name is wrong, the blood stretched a little too thin. Most importantly of all, he hasn't made our choices, doesn't burn hot with chaos. He isn't one of us. That matters too, more than I can say.

He runs a hand across my hair, his eyes still somewhere else, not quite here.

"You can stay here," I say, sleepy now, and uncaring whether he means to kill me in the night. Fuck, it would be the best way to die that I could think of. But then that's what makes an addict, isn't it?

I want him to be a part of my family.

That thought comes to me, as the day's sleep closes in on me.

Of course, that don't mean much in the grand scheme of things. I ain't the Proprietess of House Chance and I don't reckon Ma will be that pleased with me rocking up and asking for some psycho with an axe to get welcomed into the family because I like the way he risks his life. God knows what my brothers will think.

God alone knows what David will allow.

Fuck it. I'll think about it tomorrow, when the glow has gone, and after he and I have beaten the crap out of each other for the hell of it. I'll think about it after he's gone, after I've washed the blood from the walls and burnt the wasted bed linen. I think about it when I've prayed, and I'll think about it after I've seen David and reminded myself where I still belong.

I'll think about it, and maybe forget about it, and stop feeling this way when the blood begins to fade.

I want him to be a part of my family.

I want him.

And that tune is drumming its way into my brain, filling me up entirely, as I finally lose all track of time and sleep into the empty and absolute torpid sleep of day.