[Mortals] Extract from lecture

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From the lecture "A British Cryptozoologist Abroad: Narrative of Pan-continental Travels and Researches, 2009", given Saturday, 20 February, 2010 by Mr Michael Batman.
 

[Extract]

It was here, in the sleepy borders of the Mexican frontier, that I searched for my first cryptid. In the small town of Pikachu del Diablo – the Devil’s ferret – rumours persisted of a strange beast, haunting the locale at night. The Intermerweb was abuzz with rumours of a “Pollo Diablo” that descended from the mountain to feast on local detritus, and I was determined to seek the cause.

::next slide::

Arriving at the town centre, I donned the Mark VIII and, now fully augmented for my excursion, ventured into the local bar, or “cantina”, to enquire after the diabolical menace of the foothills. The locals seemed apprehensive, cautious and concerned, at my approach, and I acted with great diplomacy among them. Before leaving I had learned some Mexican – the lingua franca of South America – and enquired as to the Pollo Diablo’s location.

The locals were hesitant to talk to me, but eventually I must have won them round, as the barman urged me over, gesturing wildly. Then, in a voice that stirs my soul to this moment, he gave his impassioned plea.

“¿Por qué no te callas?” he said, his eyes welling up in desperation.

Por qué no te callas. Por qué no te callas – or ‘Who will help us?’, as we say in English. Ladies and gentlemen, Michael Batman is not a man to refuse aid to his brother. I set out at once to find this strange animal, this Pollo Diablo.

:: next slide::

I found vermin-sign almost immediately upon setting out, at 14:45 Zulu, when we came across discarded sweet wrappers, clearly torn apart by the clawing hands of some aggressive beast. My instincts told me we were dealing with a four-limbed creature, primate in origin. This was confirmed by stool sightings at 17:45 Zulu, of which I took a sample for further analysis before proceeding on foot. Clearly, I was nearing its lair, for I soon came across tracks that proved simian in nature.

My heart was pounding. My throat was dry. Could this be the legendary Pollo Diablo mentioned on the Intermerweb?

Alas, not. It was merely a very lost ape.

:: next slide, showing Mike with the ape in question::

It would appear some local was keeping an ape as a pet, and while it wouldn’t be my choice for animal companion, and I handed the creature to the appropriate local authorities. My cryptid hunt had been in vain, but at least we had rescued an animal from the cruel vexations of a life eating out of bins.

::next slide::

Disheartened but not dejected, I continued my expedition into the heart of South America. Now, a few points on the capybara, a rodent of unusual size that frequents the continent…