[Lost] January Challenge - Sad Clown
Feb. 3rd, 2010 09:15 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
autumn-skald.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
writing_shadowsOOC: This is an endings piece for Aline, obviously it is not in continuity, it's just a vision I had of how she might have her end. It's dedicated to my grandparents who were married for 67 years when my gran died. Now that grandad has gone too I hope that if there is an afterlife then they are back together as they should be. This is cross-posted to my LJ so sorry if you get it twice.
The groundskeeper nodded to the elderly woman making her slow way up the hill, leaning heavily on a walking stick as she did so. He had given up asking to help her as she always smiled very politely and declined. She was a lovely woman, sometimes she even brought him bits of baking and such, always asking after his family and never without a smile even when the cold weather obviously brought her pain.
She walked on passed him, dressed all in white and almost looking like a ghost. To the groundskeeper her hair looked white with age but to those who had different sight there were still white feathers, her eyes were still bright with intelligence even at her now advanced age. She had been coming here almost every day for decades now, a living person haunting the dead.
The ground was cold and somewhat damp when she sat down, carefully brushing moss and other detritus off the gravestone. Then she cleared away the dead flowers and replaced them with new ones. "Hello my love, how are you today?" She spoke to him in Russian, running her fingers lightly over the words carved on the stone, almost as though she were stroking someone’s cheek.
Tears ran slowly down her cheeks, he’d been gone for so very many years, but still she grieved for his loss, sometimes it felt as though it were only yesterday. He had been so bright, so vibrant, so much a part of herself that it felt as though she had been ripped right in two. And like the most loyal of swans there had never been anyone else. There had been offers, there had even been a time or two when she had tried to make it work. But there could be no replacing him, no person who could even begin to ease the pain of his loss.
Years had rolled by and she had devoted it all to helping other people, to giving them hope and happiness and keeping herself from sinking into the endless black hole of her own pain and sorrow. Still she came though, to honour his memory and sitting and talking to him helped her to imagine that he was here with her, that she could hear his laugh and feel his warm breath on the back of her neck and that made it all slightly more bearable.
"They are all so young now you know, so many of the Freehold are new and you wouldn’t know them. Plenty of the old lot have moved on or died, but I then I guess I told you about that before, my memory is not as good as it was. I feel out of place I suppose, so many of my old friends gone and there are days when I find myself hoping that I can join you soon." She smiled to herself, "All in good time I suppose, but there are still many days where I miss you greatly and I want to tell you something or just sit with you and… your absence is always a void. I miss you love, I just miss you."
A wave of tiredness flooded her for a moment and she leaned against his gravestone for a moment, her eyes closing without her even thinking about it. She just needed to rest for a little while before she started on the climb back down the hill…
It had been quite a while now since she had gone up to the grave and the groundskeeper was getting worried, she was an old lady after all and he always worried that she would fall and hurt herself so he decided to wander to where she would be and make sure that she was alright. He found her there, at first he thought she was just asleep, resting peacefully against the gravestone but as he went to check on her it became obvious that she wasn’t breathing anymore and he sagged down for a moment, touched by the beauty of her devotion. It gave him hope that there could still be a love that strong, for it to exist meant that there was still a chance the world could be a better place.
The groundskeeper nodded to the elderly woman making her slow way up the hill, leaning heavily on a walking stick as she did so. He had given up asking to help her as she always smiled very politely and declined. She was a lovely woman, sometimes she even brought him bits of baking and such, always asking after his family and never without a smile even when the cold weather obviously brought her pain.
She walked on passed him, dressed all in white and almost looking like a ghost. To the groundskeeper her hair looked white with age but to those who had different sight there were still white feathers, her eyes were still bright with intelligence even at her now advanced age. She had been coming here almost every day for decades now, a living person haunting the dead.
The ground was cold and somewhat damp when she sat down, carefully brushing moss and other detritus off the gravestone. Then she cleared away the dead flowers and replaced them with new ones. "Hello my love, how are you today?" She spoke to him in Russian, running her fingers lightly over the words carved on the stone, almost as though she were stroking someone’s cheek.
Tears ran slowly down her cheeks, he’d been gone for so very many years, but still she grieved for his loss, sometimes it felt as though it were only yesterday. He had been so bright, so vibrant, so much a part of herself that it felt as though she had been ripped right in two. And like the most loyal of swans there had never been anyone else. There had been offers, there had even been a time or two when she had tried to make it work. But there could be no replacing him, no person who could even begin to ease the pain of his loss.
Years had rolled by and she had devoted it all to helping other people, to giving them hope and happiness and keeping herself from sinking into the endless black hole of her own pain and sorrow. Still she came though, to honour his memory and sitting and talking to him helped her to imagine that he was here with her, that she could hear his laugh and feel his warm breath on the back of her neck and that made it all slightly more bearable.
"They are all so young now you know, so many of the Freehold are new and you wouldn’t know them. Plenty of the old lot have moved on or died, but I then I guess I told you about that before, my memory is not as good as it was. I feel out of place I suppose, so many of my old friends gone and there are days when I find myself hoping that I can join you soon." She smiled to herself, "All in good time I suppose, but there are still many days where I miss you greatly and I want to tell you something or just sit with you and… your absence is always a void. I miss you love, I just miss you."
A wave of tiredness flooded her for a moment and she leaned against his gravestone for a moment, her eyes closing without her even thinking about it. She just needed to rest for a little while before she started on the climb back down the hill…
It had been quite a while now since she had gone up to the grave and the groundskeeper was getting worried, she was an old lady after all and he always worried that she would fall and hurt herself so he decided to wander to where she would be and make sure that she was alright. He found her there, at first he thought she was just asleep, resting peacefully against the gravestone but as he went to check on her it became obvious that she wasn’t breathing anymore and he sagged down for a moment, touched by the beauty of her devotion. It gave him hope that there could still be a love that strong, for it to exist meant that there was still a chance the world could be a better place.
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Date: 2010-02-03 09:23 pm (UTC)It's sort of making me think what I'd consider a happy old age for my PCs. Sadly, I'm not sure my brain is ready to process one for Rio yet.
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Date: 2010-02-03 09:38 pm (UTC)But thanks, I was in the right mindset for this today so it all kind of flowed out.
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Date: 2010-02-03 10:31 pm (UTC)She is indeed one of the few Lost characters I can see making it to an old age. Her husband's Entitlement is basically a collective death wish formatted as an institution. It was bound to end with sorrow.
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Date: 2010-02-03 11:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-02-04 12:19 am (UTC)I might disagree with sl4irl's comments to a degree, but the essence does remain true. I see Aleksander living to a grand old age, but as his days draw in, he'll lead his warriors to battle one last time. Because you don't go quietly and you make sure you win, even as you go.
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Date: 2010-02-04 08:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-02-04 09:13 am (UTC)Leaving out my Vampire because they just don't count being immortal and all.
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Date: 2010-02-04 03:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-02-07 12:41 am (UTC)