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writing_shadows2011-03-08 06:09 pm
http://users.livejournal.com/_crimsonearth/) wrote in writing_shadows2011-03-08 06:09 pm
Entry tags:
[Lost] Weekender - 3 Words - Painfully, Open, Sorrow.
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castorlion - and also hardwired, bakela666, and nikoliborsh.
“Got the old team back together,” someone had said. But not quite. There was no Lucie. She was never on our side. Until now. And even now…
When Skip came into the room, that look of… betrayal in his eyes… When that happened, I knew. I knew before he said a word. I knew he knew.
And so, slowly, painfully, we dragged it out. I told him I was sorry. I even meant it. I was sorry that I left him there. That I left all of them there. That I had wandered by his cell, night upon night, heard his screams, seen those eyes beneath the cuts and weals and bruises and recognised them again when he returned and not said a word.
So, yes, when Tor came to me and told me that he knew too. About Lucan. About all of us. That he’d worked it out. I think he saw the sorrow in my eyes. He must have known that it was not my secret, but his. And then, somehow, the Dawn Court brought us all back together. And Tor asked me to go; to look after them. Lucan asked and I was afraid. I didn’t know if I wanted the ‘old team’ back together. If I could live with discovering what they’ve become, what I allowed them to become, and then watch them die. Because, inevitably, they will. They will, and I will have to bear the responsibility again, the sorrow, knowing that their deaths were in part to do with my fright, my selfishness, all those years ago. But Tor asked, and I said yes.
And it felt… so strange. These people that I hardly knew, and yet, understood better than some ever could. Croc’s blank face. That look that said he didn’t understand. He wasn’t sure how he had gotten into trouble or why. Skip’s resolute determination. That look in his eye that said he was a soldier on a mission. That he was calling the shots on this one. And Lucan, dark, keen eyes bristling with righteousness, with wanting to do the honourable thing, right the wrong, save the world, ever the knight.
So Skip held the car door open for me and I stepped in, with Tor’s voice in the back of my mind. And I knew that once we had done this, once we had worked together, it would be hard to break apart from them, to pretend there was nothing between us all.
I abandoned them once. Fate, it seems, does not intend to let me do so again.
castorlion - and also hardwired, bakela666, and nikoliborsh.“Got the old team back together,” someone had said. But not quite. There was no Lucie. She was never on our side. Until now. And even now…
When Skip came into the room, that look of… betrayal in his eyes… When that happened, I knew. I knew before he said a word. I knew he knew.
And so, slowly, painfully, we dragged it out. I told him I was sorry. I even meant it. I was sorry that I left him there. That I left all of them there. That I had wandered by his cell, night upon night, heard his screams, seen those eyes beneath the cuts and weals and bruises and recognised them again when he returned and not said a word.
So, yes, when Tor came to me and told me that he knew too. About Lucan. About all of us. That he’d worked it out. I think he saw the sorrow in my eyes. He must have known that it was not my secret, but his. And then, somehow, the Dawn Court brought us all back together. And Tor asked me to go; to look after them. Lucan asked and I was afraid. I didn’t know if I wanted the ‘old team’ back together. If I could live with discovering what they’ve become, what I allowed them to become, and then watch them die. Because, inevitably, they will. They will, and I will have to bear the responsibility again, the sorrow, knowing that their deaths were in part to do with my fright, my selfishness, all those years ago. But Tor asked, and I said yes.
And it felt… so strange. These people that I hardly knew, and yet, understood better than some ever could. Croc’s blank face. That look that said he didn’t understand. He wasn’t sure how he had gotten into trouble or why. Skip’s resolute determination. That look in his eye that said he was a soldier on a mission. That he was calling the shots on this one. And Lucan, dark, keen eyes bristling with righteousness, with wanting to do the honourable thing, right the wrong, save the world, ever the knight.
So Skip held the car door open for me and I stepped in, with Tor’s voice in the back of my mind. And I knew that once we had done this, once we had worked together, it would be hard to break apart from them, to pretend there was nothing between us all.
I abandoned them once. Fate, it seems, does not intend to let me do so again.