Dec. 3rd, 2010
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If I should die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take.
Do you know how hard it is to sleep with two Darklings waiting for you to die?
Miraculously, unless some Tolltaker thugs come crashing through the door in the next 10 minutes, I'm going to die peacefully. I've said my goodbyes, finished things off, made my peace. I am lucky enough to die on my own terms.
I peek an eye open, at their sombre faces. These poor boys, how I'm making them suffer. Well. That's love for you. I close my eye again.
The minutes tick on.
I'm frightened. How could I not be? I'm going to die.
How does that lame old song go? 'Regrets, I've had a few - but I did it my way.'
What else is there to say, really?
What will they do when I'm dead, I wonder. How will things change?
I won't know. Death is the end.
Two minutes now. If I've got the time right.
I'm disappointed. I've disappointed.
But never Winter. Winter wrapped itself around me, strengthened me and grew stronger in me.
Winter will blanket me when I am gone, until there is no trace of me left.
Winter knows that no goodbye is good enough, not really. There is no final thing to say that makes up for being abandoned, no words to take away the loss.
Winter knows. I know.
I won't know for much longer. Not anything.
I feel a sensation tingle up from my toes. This is it, then.
This is how it ends. Not with a bang, but with a whimper. No. Not with any sound at all.
This is it.
Rhys, I think Snaggle and everyone thinks you might be a loyalist. I gave them your address.
That was as far as he read before he dropped the phone. He moved fast. Grabbing the bag he had prepped two years ago with his escape kit. Food, clothes, money. Anything he might need in case he was uncovered.
Thoughts flashed through his mind. How had they uncovered him? He had been so careful. Could he talk his way out of it? After all, it was only a suspicion.
He disregarded the thoughts almost as soon as they came. No time to question it. No point in arguing it. It would be easy for them to tell he was lying, they’d never let him speak. They didn’t care about his reasons. They were all monsters with no emotion in them. They could never understand the truth. They wouldn’t want to let themselves. They would only be savages after blood.
He ran to his door then stopped. He had to decide where to run to. Another city? No, he’d be caught instantly. The hedge? Was that safety? Maybe for people more suited then he, but it was surely death. Then where? Almost instantly the answer struck him. He could go to paradise. He would be safe there.
His destination in mind he stepped through the door and on to real freedom.
For once in my life I feel complete, but I still want to ruin it.
She wants me to swear the Heart’s Oath with her. She wants me to love her forever…She will always be with me. Like Her.
Liam’s hand strays to his chest to caress the small scar there, a small smile spreads across his face as he leisurely runs his finger up and down the mark. How could I not love the one who gave me this? How could I not love a creature of passion and death like her? She ignites a flame in me so hot that even Lady Winter shrinks away from my soul.
But Lady Winter still owns it. It belongs to her…She dances merrily in the broken shards of my heart, singing soft songs of redemption through sorrow.
Abandon her! BREAK her heart like yours is broken. Smash it with all your might! My eyes shoot open at the command from my Lady…I know what she wants me to do. She wants me to run and hide from it…She wants me to rip out my one and only respite to show that even in “freedom” we cannot be shackled.
What shall I do? Love the one who loves me? Or sink into the loving embrace of Lady Winter, the one and only thing that has been there for me since…Since Her.
Liam’s hand moves from the scar to the crown on his head. I hate this crown…I really fucking hate it. Lady Winter knows I despise what she has asked of me…That’s the point of it.